Caffeine Is My Friend

I had a dream last night that me and a certain cute boy were dancing in the streets. Literally. Dancing in the streets. It was lovely.

Drove up to Ogunquit Beach this weekend with my family (man, do I love those babies). It was really nice. The sand was super soft and the water not too cold. I highly recommend this place, though the traffic getting there was kind of annoying.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my caffeine addiction. It’s not good. Not good at all. I am a slave to caffeine and have been since high school. I usually have a cup of coffee on my way to work, a cup once I arrive, sometimes another before lunch (usually not), and one after lunch. So, three to four cups per day, but in my defense, I do cap my day’s caffeine consumption around 3:30.

About two months ago, with the hope that I might give up coffee for a while, I started drinking green tea for my first beverage of the day and it has been a refreshing change of pace. Green tea is easier on my stomach in the morning and easier to make the night before in my tiny little apartment, also know as The Box (The Box warrants a separate blog entry, I think).

I know my caffeine consumption, specifically my coffee addiction, needs to be curbed, but…well, I don’t wanna and I ain’t gonna. It’s not fair. I quit smoking and I sometimes feel like I’m still in the (very difficult) process of quitting smoking, so I shouldn’t have to quit caffeine too. Damnit. So that’s that. That is how I am going to rationalize taking little to no action to wean myself off this delicious junk. I shouldn’t have to quit two of my favorite vices simultaneously. It just isn’t fair.

One of my coworkers (I would say “superiors” but he is in no way superior to me) just asked whether I mind it when he calls me “sweetheart”. I stood there speechless, trying to figure out how to say, “Well, I probably wouldn’t if you didn’t stare at my chest all the time.” Instead I said nothing. Way to go, me.

Coffee time.

Last Night's Dream

The entire dream is a blur, except a part where I was coughing and coughing and I started to hack up blue and black bits. Then blue liquid. My lungs were being flushed clean but it was a brutal experience.

Ramblings

Last night, for a few hours, I was convinced it was Tuesday. Not sure how this happened. Then Wife Swap came on and I was all, "Oh. It's freakin' Monday. Oops." I mean, I knew it was Monday all day and then suddenly, around 4:00, my brain did a flip-flop.

I dreamt about worms last night. Friendly creepy crawlies all over the floor. I released them from a satchel and they rapidly dispersed and multiplied. The floor was suddenly covered in squirmy worms and I was trying to walk the length of the hallway without squashing any. I tiptoed amongst and between them and then squirted a big pile of ketchup in the corner. One of the worms was unlucky enough to be headed right into the ketchup. He absorbed it and turned into a wormy, ketchupy blob. The other worms had all converged in the center of the hallway and formed a giant wormpile. I picked the ketchupy worm up with a stick and placed him on top of the pile with all of his friends.

I like worms, so the dream didn't perturb me as much as one might expect. It was a bit odd though, and as much as I'd like to say, "Oh, this means blah, blah, blah," I don't really believe it meant anything. I think it was just a random firing of neurons that evolved into a ketchupy wormpile. Definitely a bit odd though.

On One Leg in MJLand

So, the night before last, I had a dream....

My cat was in really bad shape. His hair was thinning and his two hind legs and tail had been amputated. He was abandoned and alone and I tried to wrap him in a blanket or something?

Then, my sister DJ was there and now she was missing a leg (GP, can you recall what I told you on the porch? My memory is unreliable the day after a dream.). At least I think that is what happened, you know how dreams can be.

Whatever the second piece was, it involved a leg amputation/deformity.
So, last night I dreamt that my (married) sister, who suddenly was blond, which is definitely the wrong color for her, was going on a date with a man with a prosthetic leg.

Weird.

This morning, DJ called me around 8:00. She never calls that early, so I figured something was up. She said she had had a really bad dream about me. My leg was all messed up and was getting shorter and then I had a clubfoot (one word or two? club foot...clubfoot...google says one, nice job, MJ). She was clearly distressed and I had to interrupt her to tell her that for the past two nights, I have been dreaming about amputations!

How weird is that shit? I think this is my brain's way of telling me that my life is unbalanced right now. I'm off kilter. I've been feeling really anxious lately, thinking I am forgetting something. Forgetting to pay a bill, call a friend, return a movie, something! Last night I went through all the random piles of crap in my bedroom searching for that thing I've been neglecting. I couldn't find anything. Something is missing or I am not listening to my gut about my life or I don't know what. It's unsettling. I think the amputations I'm experiencing are my brain's attempts to get back on my feet and face the world. It would really suck to deal with losing a limb, or one of my loved ones losing one of their limbs, and nothing is really wrong in my world. I need to realize that all is well and I've just gotta do what I gotta do to stay happy and in control of my happiness. I must seek stability and focus and balance in MJLand.