Is That So Wrong?

I lied to him tonight to see how he'd respond. Evil? I think, maybe not so much.

As it turns out, he doesn't give a shit. I'm not surprised. He's a douchebag. Very selfish. Only thinks about himself.

On another front (one that doesn't make me want to cry), I have a wicked crush. Ugh, it's so.....so.....so exciting and annoying. All at once. I just want to make out with him! Grrrr. I'm so out of practice in the flirting and whatnot that I have no idea what to do. I am terrified of coming on too strongly, so I'm trying to just chill the fuck out.

Crushes sure are fun though. It's been about 5 years since I've had a good crush. I've been wrapped up in this one for 5 friggin' years. 5 years is too many years.

I do love him though. I love him and it's time to let him go. It keeps on sort of sucking though. I'm not exactly sure it won't continue sucking forever. Like with one of my old loves. Sometimes I think about him and wish I could hug him and turn back time and make things right again. Sometimes that still sucks, but I deal. You get used to it and it hurts less.

Just have to deal, I guess.